A few weeks ago, my coach called me entitled. With all due respect of course.
This is a woman I respect and pay great money to give me guidance on business, life, and how I’m showing up in the world. But I didn’t expect her to say something so harsh.
I was having trouble scheduling my sessions with her. As she got busier, the times available for our coaching shrunk and my schedule was at the mercy of hers. After enough of this, I reached a boiling point and I let her know it.
That’s when she called me entitled.
I was feeling very entitled to get what I had paid for. I pay x amount of money for x number of coaching sessions that are set up a particular way. In this case, 3 calls a month at 40 minutes a session. Due to various things over the last 6 months, there were 3 calls left plus a 3 hour intensive that we needed to fit in for my package to be completed.
I was given one time she was available for each of those and I was expected to do what was necessary to be available during those times. Some times were easier than others.
For someone who considers her schedule and time to be the most important freedom she has in her business, it was frustrating to have some of that out of my control.
So yeah, I was entitled to get what I had paid for. But the hard truth was that I had to take responsibility for my part and choices in the whole thing. If I want the coaching, I need to do what it takes to receive the coaching. So it’s okay to expect to receive what I paid for, but there’s also a level responsibility that I need to bring to the table.
And this is exactly what got me thinking about some of the hard truths of coaching.
Coaching isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s going to push you to look at the hard truths about yourself so you can transform them. And that transformation isn’t going to be easy. We’re talking about your patterns, how you’re showing up, and years of your history that you’ve compiled to create the person you are today. That ain’t no easy task to take on!
So whether you’re the coach or the coachee – and in this case I’m going to assume both because you really can’t be an effective coach if you don’t also have a coach – there are some truths about coaching that can seem hard to face…. but if you can face them and allow the process to unfold, you’ll see yourself transform in ways you didn’t even know were possible.
Some of the hard – and transformative – truths about coaching:
1. It won’t always feel good
Growth is uncomfortable. Pushing past your comfort zone, expanding into new areas, and stretching beyond your previous limitations – each one is putting you into new territory, which by nature is uncomfortable. This is precisely why people often hold back from entering into a coaching relationship in the first place – that shit is uncomfortable! It won’t always feel good in the process, but the breakthroughs are always worth it.
2. You won’t always like each otherÂ
In order for coaching to be effective, you have to give up trying to look good. This means letting down your walls, giving up the facade, and bringing your full authentic self to the table. And guess what? That’s not always pretty and it certainly isn’t easy. You HAVE to be willing to go there. And going there means saying the hard truths without fear of whether or not the other person will like you.
Overall you only want to work with people you like and respect, but when it comes to coaching sessions, you’re not friends. You can be friendly, you can care about each other, you can even socialize when the time is right… but truly good coaches can let go of wanting their clients to like them all the time. Saying the truth to help is worth the risk of a client temporarily not liking you.
3. It won’t always work
It takes two to tango. Both of you have to bring your best to the dance floor in order to see results. There are times where you’ll work with a coach who doesn’t really jive with you. There are any number of reasons why a coach might not be the best fit and sometimes you don’t figure that out until working with them – that’s all part of the growth as well.
Of course, even the best of coaches can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. Your success and results from coaching are determined mainly from your willingness to do the work. There will be times when it all works out beautifully and there will be times it’s less than ideal. Overall you may not get the exact results you were hoping for, but it’s pretty much guaranteed you will get something you needed through the process.
4. You’ll have to take responsibility
On the surface, a great thing! But once you realize that you can no longer play victim, blame others, and create excuses it can be a damn hard pill to swallow. If the coaching isn’t feeling good, it’s time to take a look at what you can transform. If you’re not liking your coach, it’s time to take a look at where you’re placing the blame. If you don’t feel like the coaching is working, it’s time to take a look at how you’re showing up. Notice a pattern here?
Coaching will lead you to taking more responsibility for your life, which can be quite humbling once you realize it all starts and ends with you. Eek! In the end it’s empowering to let go of the blame and take responsibility for your own life, success, and actions.
Coaching is no joke! It’s transformative, life-changing, and the most powerful thing you’ll ever invest in. But we’re human, which means we typically learn and grow through the challenges and pain in life. You don’t know what you’re made of until you’re willing to rock the boat.
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.” -Old English Proverb
